Ask Your Mother

Yesterday a twelve year old boy asked "What does '69' mean?" My response? "Maybe you should ask your parents. I don't really know what it means."

I am a liar, of course. There was a time in my life when I thought '69' was the funniest phrase ever created. I'm not really sure why, although it must have had something to do with the fact that I was living the life of a seasoned nun yet unapologetically utilizing the vocabulary of a gutter-trash prostitute. My locker AND my parking spot my senior year of high school were both #69 and when I found out I did a cartwheel in the hallway (I think that was the last time I attempted a cartwheel, actually), and then I believe I went home and led a bible study for freshman girls. Hypocrite? No! I was just torn between the flesh and the spirit :-)

Anyway, after I was asked this question by one of my babysitting charges, I remembered a funny story from my own prepubescent experience and I wanted to share it with you.

One of my very best friends growing up was a girl name Carolyn. We went to school together from kindergarten through 12th grade (although I was scared of her until we were in 3rd grade b/c she carried her books across her chest the way that they did on shows like Saved by the Bell and 90210). Since Carolyn had 'the cool house', my friends and I often hung out there after school. It was most definitely my home away from home. And I think it's fair to say that Carolyn's mom and dad were my 'second parents'.

Mr. and Mrs. D (protecting their name for privacy's sake) took time to involve themselves in our lives. They knew who I had a crush on (Dave), the name of my favorite band (Dave Matthews) and my favorite pizza topping (Dave..I mean, bacon). Mrs. D is the one who taught me which fork to use and when, according to proper etiquette. Mr. D coached us in softball and always laughed at my jokes (which were, let's face it, hilarious). In fact, I distinctly remember thinking to myself "I want marry someone like Mr. D when I grow up." He was encouraging, kind, funny and it was unbelievably clear how much he adored Carolyn. It also didn't hurt that he was rich, but that is neither here nor there in this scenario.

I don't know if you watched 'Growing Pains' when you were younger, but I'm going to assume you did b/c I don't want to think about how sad it would be to not have known and loved the Seaver family, even if they were fictional. Anyway, the character Mike Seaver (played by pre-crazy Kirk Cameron) had a friend named 'Boner', aka Richard Stabone, on the show. Now, I knew that there was something funny about that kid's name, but I didn't know what it was and I became determined to find out. So naturally, the most logical thing for me to do was ask someone, right? I asked Carolyn, but she didn't know. I asked Chloe, but she didn't know either. Then it occurred to me that I had been asking only girls and I should probably get a guy's perspective. Enter Mr. D. The conversation was brief and it went like this:

"Mr. D, what is a boner?" I asked.
He laughed, looked stunned, coughed a little and then responded, "Ask Mrs. D. She might know."

Fantastic! That is almost the exact same response I gave to the twelve year old boy yesterday, so it must have been good advice. The funny thing is that I can't remember if I ever asked Mrs. D, but I guess at some point in junior high school I learned that 'boner' was slang for 'erection' (thought I'd slip that in, just in case some of you were still unsure). Now that I'm older, I can appreciate the kind of trust I must have had in Mr. D to ask him something so ridiculous. And more than once in the past I year I have thanked God for putting the D family in my life. Maybe one day this twelve year old will say the same thing about me. Or maybe he'll just think I'm a huge prude. Who knows?

Dear Oprah...

You should probably know by now that I love to try weird stuff in order to get on TV.  I've applied for a few reality TV show, written to Oprah and Ellen multiple times, and even applied to be the host of a local new/entertainment show on CBS (which ended up not getting made, from what I've read).  Well, last week it seemed as if all of these wonderful opportunities had been rolled into one giant ball of wonderful.  In the 'Be On The Show' section of Oprah.com, they were looking for people who think their lives would make a good reality TV show.  Umm, circle yes!!!

So I spent lots of time last week/weekend filming (thanks to Ali), uploading and editing video onto my computer and by Sunday night I had the final project all finished and ready to go.  Did I mention the cut-off time for applying was TODAY at noon.  So I thought I was gonna actually be able to get in there before the absolute last minute, which is rare for me.  I go about filling in all my info onto Oprah application form (name, contact info, 'tell us your story'), load my video up and click submit...and nothing happens.  The address bar is only engaged about one-tenth of the way and it just sits there, and sits there, and sits there.  I waited, not kidding you, an hour and then I decided to try loading it again.  And the same thing happened.  And then again.  And again.  And then, FINALLY, there is movement on the page.  It begins to turn into another page and a message pops up!  Yeah!  However, the message is as follows: "This page is unavailable due to scheduled maintenance.  Please try again later."  

Crap.  I decide that I'll just have to wait until the morning and put Oprah out of my mind (as if that is possible).  So, when I got to work today, I finished feeding Claire her (third) breakfast, rocked James to sleep and put him in the swing and then pulled out my laptop to commence 'Operation Oprah' once more!  I fill in all the info again, load the video and walk away from the computer (to change a poopy diaper no less :-) thinking everything will be fine.  I actually forgot about it for about a half an hour, but when I went to check on things again, what do I find?  The same freaking maintenance message!  This continued for 4 hours.  Then it was noon.  Then I gave up.

I guess Oprah will never get to catch a glimpse into the world of Annie the Nanny, but all time and energy will not go to waste because I'm going to post that video here for all of you to enjoy.  But if you are close personal friends with Ms. Winfrey, maybe send her this web address and see if she wants to take a peek, okay?!

P.S.  Sorry if I interviewed you for this video and you didn't make the cut.  I was working with a time restriction and had to tell as much of my story as possible, so I wasn't able to use all of your lovely, encouraging words.  But I will keep the video for future projects, or just to make myself feel better when I'm lonely and blue!

What's My Name Again?

More of the same, but I thought this one was cute and didn't want to waste it!

Fagan Fun Time

Meet Me in St. Louie

Every few months of so I get online and begin searching for 'dream jobs'.  I'll go to Oprah.com, NBC.com and some random movie studio websites and read about what they've got available.  It's always stuff like "Executive Assistant to VP of Creative Development" or "New Media Coordinator for the TODAY Show".  I get so excited thinking about the kind of career I could have in the news/entertainment industry.  But I never apply for any of these jobs because as soon as I begin to read the job descriptions, I feel completely inadequate.  Here are some reasons why:

1. Almost all of the jobs exist in New York or Los Angeles and even in the midst of my daydreams of living in these glamorous cities, my heart rate increases and I begin to wonder "How much does this job pay?  Will I be able to support myself on a small salary in such an expensive city?  What do I do with all of my furniture (which currently resides in my parents garage)?  What if I have to find a roommate in a city where I know absolutely no one?  Will I have to wear some kind of business suit and if so, where am I going to get the money for a whole new wardrobe?" 

2. I am not qualified for ANY of these jobs.  I have been a nanny for 6 years.  Before that I worked at a publishing firm in London, England, but I was pretty bad at that job and I think they mostly kept me on because I brought the funny to the office.  In fact, I hated all of the administrative stuff that came along with an office job.  And despite the fact that I have worked part-time at an insurance office for the past 6 years, I still suck at sending faxes and have had virtually no experience with MS Word, Excel and Powerpoint since my college computer class.

3. The words 'strong organizational skills' do NOT apply to me.

4. All I really want to do is write stuff that makes people laugh, and while the TODAY Show can be charming at times, I don't think they're looking for someone to blog about what Matt wore in to work that morning or why Meredith's hair sometimes looks funny.  

5. I truly do like the job I have and sometimes the knowledge that it will end one day paralyzes me with fear.  I mean, I love being a nanny....for the Fagan's.  But honestly, I don't really love babysitting in general.  I love the kids I babysit for, but when I leave them I am NOT looking to start up with a new family (unless it's Brad and Angelina).  Nannying is not necessarily lucrative (although I do understand that it is expensive to the person paying my salary) and there are no lunch breaks or sick days.  I do it because I love those kids and I really like the people I work for.  I also enjoy wearing pajama pants to work and not being required to shower on a regular basis, both those are just perks.

So, while I do retain the dream of one day telling Oprah all about my new favorite things, tomorrow I will wake up and go to work, change several poopy diapers, make a 2 year old giggle and be grateful that I am one of those people who enjoys what I do for a living.  I guess that is more than most people have to look forward to, right?

So Random

We were bored just before naptime so I thought we'd try out the iCamera (at least that's what I'm calling it). James wasn't to keen, but Claire and I had fun :-)

P.S. I meant to edit out the part of the video where I yelled and almost made Claire cry. But I guess I am exposed for the loud mouthed nanny that I am.

Sweet Baby James

Eight is great! Today is James' two month birthday and I just thought I'd show you guys how big he's gotten! He loves the Bumbo seat (although Claire still thinks it's her chair), the music his swing palys and he likes to lay on his back and look around. James is a pretty great baby and he pretty much only cries when something is wrong (dirty diaper, hungry, gas issues) which is very much appreciated by his nanny :-) His sisters were a little more high maintanence. I'm not sure if he's so much more chill because he's a boy or because he's just a cool cat, but either way I'll take it. My only complaint is that he pees out of his diaper twice a day or so when I'm with him so I'm constantly trying to avoid getting wet spots on my dress.
Not much else to report. I'm adjusting to being alone with the kids again since Kathy went back to work this week. So far, so good! The girls have actually been fighting way less this week. I think if I can get them involved in seperate activites from 4:30 - 5:30, things will run a little smoother. If not, then perhaps you can recommend a good employment agency because I don't know how I will handle them all summer long! I mean, it's not like I can just enroll them in camp on my own, seeing as they aren't actually my kids. Or can I? Hmm, we'll have to see...

P.S. Those random cords are from James' heart monitor. There is a history of SIDS in the family so all of the kids have worn the monitor when sleeping at night for their first 6 months or so, just in case. And James is a champion sleeper. He goes down around 10 and sleeps until 6 or 7am!