Just Because

I might not be Annie the Nanny anymore, but I still see the kids for occasional babysitting gigs. Here's what happens when we get together these days!

First they're sour, then they're sweet

I tried to blog about my last day on my last day, but it was too much. I should have saved some of the earlier editions. They all began like this:
I am heartbroken.
Will it ever stop hurting?
This is the very definition of bittersweet.
And so on, and so forth. It's better that I didn't subject you all to that mumbo jumbo. I'm in a better place now, so hopefully I can be clear with my words.

Breaking up is hard to do. Ha, still sappy but that's what this situation is reminding me of (that is, what it would remind me of had I ever actually been in a relationship). It is like when you know it's time to move on, you know that there is somewhere else you should be and yet putting one foot in front of the other and walking away breaks your heart.
I am so happy that the kids will be able to have their mom at home with them every day. I am so happy that my new job is challenging and will actually utilize the skills I spent $80,000 developing in college. I am even happy that from now on the kids will see me less like an imitation mom and more like a super fun babysitter! But it is still hard. I am still sad.

I think there is also a part of me that is terrified to work in an office full-time. I mean, this is what I was avoiding 6 years ago when I graduated. Sitting in a cubicle. Making Excel spreadsheets. Leaving awkward voicemails while the whole office listens in. Basically, I took the movie Office Space to heart and implemented it's message into my life. Don't become part of the machine. Corporate America will kill your soul. Do what you love, not what makes you money. And I still feel that way. The whole desk job thing is frightening to me. But it's also good for me.
I need structure for awhile. I need to be able to provide for myself and invest in something that has a future in it for me. I'm not sure I'll be editing medical textbooks for the rest of my life, but I am learning a ton about the publishing business at the moment and that can only help me, right? And maybe someday, when I write my book, I'll have some connections to help me get it published! Maybe...

Right now I'm feeling a little sad, a little nervous, and a little proud of myself. I haven't decided what to do with this blog yet. Maybe I'll keep it around to post little memories of my time as Annie the Nanny. I will miss that title. Annie the Editorial Assistant does not have the same ring to it :-( But it's got potential.

Cry Baby

Baby boy is on the move! James is sooooo close to crawling. He basically gets up on all fours, rocks a bit, moves into the downward dog and then face plants on the carpet. This is not usually painful, unless he's on hardwood or tile, or sitting directly in front of the coffee table.
I keep trying to picture my last day with these kids but I don't think I'm ready to follow through with it yet. In my mind, the day will go something like this:

8:25 Arrive at work (25 minutes late)
9:00 Tell Erin to stop watching TV in the basement. Fight ensues.
9:15 Realize I've lost another fight to a 6 year old.
9:30 Change Claire's poopy diaper and get sad about it b/c it might be the last time
9:45 Change James' poopy diaper, but don't get sad b/c there will be more this afternoon
10:30 Watch Molly put her babies 'to bed' (all 15 of them) spread out across the foyer. Cry because it's so damn cute
11:00 Try to get Kathy to take us out to lunch, preferably at Happy Joe's.
11:30 Eat the shit out of that cinnamon pizza. Cry because this will be the last time I eat lunch in an arcade setting for awhile.
12:30 Put Claire to sleep in her big girl bed. Cry, just because.
1:00 Swaddle the crap out of James to get him to sleep. Pass out on the couch holding him. Cry in my sleep.
2:00 Wake up. Catch my last real time episode of General Hospital. Cry because Jason and Sam can't seem to get back together.
3:00 Make sure Erin is still alive in the basement. She is, but Molly is seriously annoying her!
3:30 Update Facebook status : Anne Simon is leaving on a jetplane. Don't know when I'll be back again.
4:00 Change James' poopy diaper. Cry because this probably is the last one.
4:30 Play.
5:00 Commence panic attack.
5:30 Call Elsevier. Tell them I can't accept their job offer because I've developed an attachment disorder to a 2 year old.
5:45 Give the girls a hug and a kiss and a high five and a shake and a bump. Cry. Awkwardly hug Kathy and Tom. Tell the girls to have a great time in Florida.
6:00 Leave. Cry. Drink. Move on.

That's all I've got so far. I'll do live updates day of, if for no other reason than to retain my sanity. Can this really be the end of Annie the Nanny?! Annie the Editorial Assistant doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Phun with Photo Booth

Photo Booth is truly spectacular when you are missing one of your front teeth.
Yeah, she would still be cute even in she had an abscess in her cheek.
This is the shot I will use when I audition for America's Next Top Model. I'm a shoe-in!

Absense makes the heart grow fonder

This week, I am on vacation. Originally, I asked for the time off so I could go to Florida, but that fell through, so I tried to plan an all-inclusive trip to Mexico (up yours, swine flu). Unfortunately, non of my friends have the ability to leave their jobs / husbands / children for a full week in July (although Lindsey Merrill made a valiant effort), so I had to make other plans again. Lake of the Ozarks, here I come! Wait, that house isn't available that weekend? Crap. What about Branson? Anyone want to go to Branson?? Yeah, I didn't think so. All I've got for sure at this point is a trip to Mount Vernon, Illinois to visit with an old college roommate. Yeehaw :-(
So what am I going to do!! I need a vacation! I want to wake up at noon, lay by the pool/lake, drink something fruity and delicious and make no plans whatsoever. That's not asking too much, is it?! Well, turns out living in a Clayton mansion can provide many of the same amenities as an all-inclusive vacay. Wake up at noon? Check. Lay by the pool all day? Check. Fruity drinks? Expensive, but check. No plans. Well, mostly check. I got roped into dogsitting over the 4th. But at least that means I'll be getting paid to lay by the pool, right?
So instead of a vacation, I'm on a stay-cation. It's working out alright. I still am really hoping someone will call me up and say they have a condo available at the Lake, but right now Clayton is looking pretty good.
Here's the most suprising thing so far, though. I miss the kids. I mean, it's not like I haven't had time off from nannying before, but there's something different this time. Maybe it's the fact that I know I could see them right now if I really wanted to. Maybe it's because my time with them in ending in just a few short weeks. Maybe it's because I have brought them over to my mom's house so frequently this summer that being here without them now makes the place feel strange. I don't know. I just miss them. This feeling will probably last until 8:15 next Monday morning, but still....

London makes my heart hurt

My life is in transition. Super big, very exciting, kinda scary transition.

Last weekend I moved to my new apartment (which is fabulous and I love it) and am living alone for the first time in my life. So far, so fantastic.
Tomorrow I begin my new job at Elsevier (they publish math, science and medical textbooks) and I am more than excited to be doing editorial work again. It's just part-time for now, but maybe/hopefully it will turn into something more by this summer.
Which leads me into transition number 3. At the end of July, I will have to rename this blog because I will no longer be Annie the Nanny. Kathy is retiring and I will be moving on. This is a very, very good thing, but it's also incredibly bittersweet. I'm not quite ready to process my thoughts on that yet but I'm sure I will be as the summer draws near, so stay tuned.

Now, I'm the kind of person who doesn't neccesarily embrace change wholeheartedly. Don't get me wrong, I like variety in my life, but I have a real problem with control and fear of the unknown so right now I feel a bit like a marathon runner wearin high heels. I'm scared of getting hurt and not quite sure I'll be able to finish the race. And since my fight or flight instinct leans heavily towards flight, I've found myself spending hours on the computer researching jobs and schools in London.

Why London, you ask? Well, I lived there right after graduating from college and it seems to have burned itself into my mind as the happiest place on earth. It's not. I was miserably homesick, the pollution was appaling and I don't think I've ever been as poor as I was when I was working there. But there is something about that city that appeals to me. I think about the plays I saw, the streets I explored, the bars we went to, the job I had and the people I met there and it just makes me desperate to return. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would quit all my jobs and take up a flat in Knightsbridge or Chelsea and just explore the city for 6 months. Of course I would invite you all for a visit, but mostly I think I would just be alone for awhile. You know, to find myself and all. Oh, and I'd probably become best friends with Gwyneth and Madonna. They would make me their 'project', hook me up with their trainer and microbiotic chef, and at the end of those six months I would look like I was the winner of The Biggest Loser.

I don't know if any of you think the way I do, but I suspect my penchant for London has something to do with my fear of commitment. Maybe that's the real reason I'm not with someone. Because I do kind of always think something better will come along. Then again, I also think I'm going to win the lottery, so maybe I'm just completely detatched from reality. Either way, tonight in my dreams there will be double decker buses, fish 'n chips and the Union Jack flying proud. And hopefully an appearance by a naked Chris Martin. I'm just saying...

Spring Break is for the Birds

I know that envy is one of the big, bad, Kevin-Spacey-will-cut-your-head-off-and-put-it-in-a-box deadly sins, but I feel it is virtually impossible to overcome when everyone and their mom is on vacation in Florida/Cabo/Panama/France/Branson while I am working 70 hours weeks and can't sleep due to a pinched nerve in my neck. So forgive me while I indulge myself in a 'Pity Party for 1'.

I love to travel. This is something I have been vaguely aware of my entire life. Being poor makes traveling incredibly difficult. So I'll just use this opportunity to take a trip...down Memory Lane.

When I was a kid, we used to take these epic Simon Family Fun Trips (aka vacations). They always involved:
Holiday Inn
where two kids had to hide when the roll-away bed was delivered so management wouldn't know we were sleeping 7 people in a 5 person room
second hand smoke
thanks, Dad.
vomit
inevitable with 5 kids in one overheated mini-van for 14 days+
sunscreen
because redheaded children just can't handle the sun
civil war sites
on the East Coast Tour '91 we visited 22 historical locations in 15 days. many of these locations were merely fields that my dad thought looked 'relevant'.
slumber parties
having 3 little sisters comes in handy when you're bored out of your mind in a Michigan summer house
McDonald's
easiest way to feed 5 kids and guarantee a rest stop 1 hour later
camera
if I had been thin, I'm certain I would've become a model. God knows I had the training.
Grandma Simon
it seems like she was always with us at some point along the way.
motion sickness
no 10 hour leg from St. Louis to Pennsylvania will stop a girl with a heart for reading. but it may lead to some of the aforementioned vomit.
fighting
at this, we excelled.
imagination
developed, encouraged, facilitated and enjoyed by my parents and any adult within hearing distance.

I miss vacation. I miss road trips. I miss Europe. I miss sleeping in. I miss margaritas at noon. I miss the way that salt water smells. I miss dreaming big. I miss the anticipation of adventure. I miss Spring Break. Sometimes, I miss myself.

What is a Nanny?

Erin has a book called 'What is a Princess?' It is her favorite book and to my knowledge, the first book she ever read all by herself. In it, several princess (Disney, or course) define themselves.

A princess is caring.

A princess is happy.

A princess is loving.

So the other day, the kids and I were trying to not fight (I mean, they were trying not to fight) so I got this idea to put them in front of my iCamera and ask them 'What is a Nanny?'

These are the results

Kiss me, I'm Irish

Being Irish, I was always taught a healthy respect and appreciation for St. Patrick's Day. I think there is something about being a freckely redhead that immediately bonds you to this day. It's like it is the one day a year when people wish they had you pasty white, brown speckled skin and frizzy, uncontrollable ginger hair. At least, that's what I've chosen to believe. I hope you have a very Happy St. Patrick's Day! Caed Mile Failte!

The Music in Me

Music has always held a special place in my life. I think it has something to do with my dad. He always used to make us listen to the Grateful Dead, the Allman Brothers and Mary Chapin Carpenter in the mini-van during family vacation when I was a kid. So many of my memories can be associated with songs. Here's a brief list of past, present and future songs that are important to me.
1. Here Comes the Sun - Abbey Road, the Beatles
This was my very first CD and I distinctly remember hearing this son and wanting to dance outside.
2. You've Got it (The Right Stuff) - Hangin' Tough, New Kids on the Block
First boy band experience of my life and it was magical. Hearing this song reminds me of Bristol Elementary School, girl scout camp and being 9.
3. I Will Always Love You - The Bodyguard Soundtrack, Whitney Houston
This was not my first R-rated movie, but I think it was the first one I ever rented and snuck past my parents. I LOVED Whitney when I was a kid and singing along with her made me believe that I truly was made to be onstage.
4. Everything I Do, I Do It For You - Waking up the Neighbours, Bryan Adams
Now, I did not know who Bryan Adams was until I heard this song, but you better believe that after my first viewing on VH1 of this particular music video, I was a lifelong fan. This was my first 'They'll play that at my wedding' song. But not my last.
5. To Be With You - Deep Cuts, Mr. Big
This song IS going to played at my wedding, or my funeral. Whichever one comes first. I LOVE this song. The first time I heard it, I was in junior high school and I felt like it was written specifically for me. At the time, I pictured it being sung to me (in public) by Leonardo DiCaprio, but now I would settle for it being played during the slow dance portion of my future love story (more to come on that later).
6. I Try - ?, Macy Gray
This song was HUGE in England the semester I studied abroad and I remember having a great conversation about it with Sarah, my Shakespeare professor, in the pub my first week spent at Harlaxton. So now, every time I hear it, I think of Grantham, England, the Gregory Arms Pub and Richard III. Weird, but also very cool.
7. Rush of Blood to the Head, Coldplay
This is an entire album, I know, but I used to listen to this on my way to and from work when I lived in London and there is not one word on the CD that I can't sing along with. This album sealed my affection for Brit Rock music and whenever I hear it, I feel international and very autonomous.
8. Dust in the Wind - Dust in the Wind, Kansas
When I was in college, I wanted to be a screenwriter. It was my dream and my objective. But in my first screenwriting class, I was basically told I didn't have very original ideas and needed a LOT of work. But the first 30 pages or so of my first and last screenplay 'Dust in the Wind' were definitely written from the heart.
9. Warning Sign - Rush of Blood to the Head, Coldplay
If you want to know how what my relationship with God looks like, listen to this song. I want it played at my funeral, along with 'Spirit in the Sky' by Norman Greenbaum, 'Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing' by Sufjan Stevens and 'Life in Technicolor' by Coldplay. If I die soon, will one of you be sure to tell this to my parents? I want them to know.
10. Learning to Fly - Into the Great Wide Open, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
This song is currently my mantra. I want to live it every day.